And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
