I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
