my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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