you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
