we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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