I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
