im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
