I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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