I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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