Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
