I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
