mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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