matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
