so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
