the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
