I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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