u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
