I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
