with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
