I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
