I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
