I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
