Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My feet surprised me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
