so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
