They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
