A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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