How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
