Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
