I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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