yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize