I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize