why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
