I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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