Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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