yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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