So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
