I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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