when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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