At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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