i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
