dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
