so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
