3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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