so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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