Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
