if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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