Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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