The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
