Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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