Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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