i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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