Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
MIDGETS
????
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
