maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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